Monday, August 15, 2011

What no one ever tells you about motherhood...part one (Originally posted Wednesday, June 8, 2011)

I have been a mother for 24 years.  Which means I have had to be around other mothers for 24 years.  It didn't take me long to figure out that I was not like the other mothers.  While I listened to them blab on and on about how wonderful it was to be a mom and how it was full of butterflies and sunshine I really wanted to punch them right in the face...especially when they were telling these tales to women who didn't have children....lies...all lies I tell you! At some point in history it appears we women made some kind of pact which each other to only talk about the joy of motherhood...most likely it was perpetuated by some male afraid the human race would die off if mothers dared speak the truth....well enough is enough....I have decided it is my responsibility to set the record straight and let everyone know the reality of motherhood. 

There are a lot of things I hate about being a mom! Now before you gasp and look at me disapprovingly let me say I love my children to death...this isn't really about them.  It is about the things I hate about being a mom.  And I would bet that all you moms out there have a list of things you hate too. You are just afraid to speak up because society has told you not too.   Well I am saying no more! Let's be honest about it. And here is my list of things I hate:

I hate puke. HATE HATE HATE IT! It is gross and disgusting. And children are freaking vomit factories incapable of hitting the toilet! There is a LOT of puke with kids.  And please do not let anyone tell you that it is different when it is your child...LIAR! Puke is puke! It doesn't matter who is spewing it! So before you make that leap into motherhood think about your ability to handle puke!

I hate not being able to go to sleep when I want too! Think about this one hard! It is 10pm, you have been awake since 6am going non-stop! You are about to COLLAPSE! Unfortunately Jr has about two more hours in him! You are SCREWED! When you have children your sleep patterns are not your own. Your rest is completely determined by someone else! Are you prepared for that?

I hate not being able to attend events that I want too.  Sounds completely selfish I know but I hate it! I will admit that I am luckier than most but on occasion I have to turn down something I really really really want to do! And it is not fair! Do I not work hard? Do I not take care of these people and feed these people and what do these people do? Keep me from doing something I want to do! The nerve of them!

I hate that there are TOYS everywhere! Toys R Us is not my decor! My decor is simple and elegant and sparse. What the hell am I doing living in the toy aisle at Wal-Mart? And before all you "no-kids" people speak up and "My kids would always put there toys away - my decor won"t change". I say HA! Go ahead and live in your little fantasy world.  From the time that itty bitty baby comes home from the hospital your house will never be your own again.  Kids have stuff...lots of stuff...and their stuff will completely overtake your stuff! Kinda like Spanish moss!

So this is my list...feel free to share is okay to say it are in good company here:)

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