Father's Day thoughts and such (Originally posted Sunday, June 19, 2011)

This one is going to be a downer...I am warning you now so that you have the opportunity to jump ship if you wish....so here goes.

As some of you know the boys' father passed away in Feb 2005.  Since then Father's Day has taken a turn.  I can't imagine what it must be like for them to not have a dad.  My dad God bless him is still alive and kicking.  I always wonder what they are thinking about on this day but too afraid to ask because the last thing I want to do is too upset them and then I worry that maybe this is the wrong thing to do...I live in a constant state of "what should I do" when it comes to this topic.  Like I said I have no idea what it is like so I don't know what to do.  We spent this morning with Jay's dad Grandpa John.  He is a really good man. Jay was his only child.  I can not fathom what today must be like for him.  Hopefully I will never know what it is like to lose a child. It is entirely possible that could be the one thing I could never recover from.

So every year since as some of you moms' know at the end of school they always make Father's Day stuff.  This year Jaden came home with a card that had "coupons" in it for washing Dad's car.  I just wonder what he was thinking when he made it.  Last year he told me he gave the card he made to his friend to give to his dad..who he had never met. 

I never imagined in a million years that I would be doing this alone.  And most of the time I wonder what kind of job am I really doing.  As some of you also know my kids are mixed and am I doing a good enough job of bringing up not only boys but boys of color.  Considering they are surrounded by mostly women...white women at that....lesbian white women as well I just don't know.  I am trying my best...hopefully that counts for something.

I am thankful that I personally know some great dads out there.  And I hope this day was great! And for all those out there whose dads are still around I hope you took a moment to appreciate what you have...and for those who's dads have passed on my thoughts are with you on this day. 

Happy Father's Day!