Thursday, August 4, 2011

Swimming with fishes...Part Two - Profile 101

I have come to the conclusion during my time spent perusing the online profiles that guys post to the dating sites that there is a huge untapped market.  Most guys seriously need help with their profiles.  A lot of them look like they spent as much time on them as they did picking out what underwear they were going to wear today.  And if you know anything about straight men their underwear decision is basically made up of two choices..."is it clean or is it dirty?" Let's take a look at some of the common missteps made with online profiles.

The picture:

I will admit I am shallow. While I pause for a moment while you get over your shock I got to admit that if I do not like your picture I am not going to read your profile let alone contact you.  Yes I know beauty is only skin deep but dear God ugly is to the bone! The first type of profile picture that I hate is the "in the bathroom mirror taken with the cell phone" picture.  You get extra points if the picture is of you shirtless in the bathroom mirror.  These pictures always make me ask myself "do these people not have any friends that would take the picture for them?" or a real camera? It just screams of last minute desperation.  Let me get this profile online quick and it doesn't matter if I don't have a good picture on hand...I will just go in the bathroom and take one.  Extra points if the bathroom is particulary dirty.  Extra extra points if the bathroom is girly!

The next profile picture that I hate is the one I call "the mug shot".  In this one the guy is snarling at the camera.  No smile, no hint of personaility, no nothing. Yeah that is going to get me to say "I would love to spend time with him! He looks like a lot of fun" NOT!

Next isn't so much the picture but those unfortunate types that no matter what they do they look like serial killers.  You know the type.  They might be the nicest person on the planet but they take unfortunate pictures.  And it doesn't help that most of them are in plaid shirts.  Or baseball hats.  Or in a yard with a bunch of broken down vehicles.  Sadness all around.

Up next is the pictures with another girl.  Now granted this girl might be a sister or maybe just a friend.  But most women I know are jealous bitches at heart.  And we are not going to to start something new with someone who just possibly has something else going on. Although the picture with the girl still in it is much better than the pictures where you can tell someone has been cropped out.  Or they have used the eraser function and just airbrushed them out...really?

Last on my list are the profile pictures that a guy takes with his kids.  I know that this is his attempt to show that he is a good dad.  But it fails with me,  You have now put a picture of your kids on a site where any crazy stalker type can see.  It doesn't make you look like a good dad to me....
So what kind of pictures do I like? Pictures where you are smiling, doing something besides sitting in a chair in front of a webcam.  Pictures that show you actually have a life...and friends who are willing to take your picture every now and then!

Once I get past picture now it is onto the actual profile.  Let's see what you have to say.  Here are some things that I can't get past when it comes to the profile.

ALL CAPS - yes there are some people who use all caps their entire profile.  I skip right over them. Please don't shout at me.

Misspellings - dear God I hate these.  I don't care how cute you are if your profile is full of misspellings or if you typed it in text-ese I just can't do it.

Too many God references- I know I am not a good Christian woman.  I also know that someone who praises the Lord on POF is probably going to have issues with my lifestyle.  So I will just take a pass.

Not enough information - while I don't need a book I would like to think that you took more time on the profile than once again picking out your underwear.
What do I like in the profile - good grammar and spelling.  References to some of your favorite things to see if we have anything in common.  What you are looking for in a relationship and in a girl.

Given that I think it is important to note that not all people are truthful in their profiles.  I don't understand the point in this at all.  Isn't it wasting your time to make yourself out to be something you are not.  If there is someone for everybody why not describe who you are and what you are looking for rather than false advertising?

Coming soon....real life examples of some of the online conversations I have had:)

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